By Genevieve A. Suzuki
Every year I make a few New Year’s resolutions I break by Valentine’s Day.
Last year I promised to stop cussing, but bad drivers deprived me of keeping that promise. (Hey, at least I still have yet to swear in front of my 5-year-old.)
I also vowed to eat better, but heeding the seductive calls of donuts and chocolate was far too tempting.
Daily exercise was another promise broken. (Unless you count walking fast to random destinations, which I do all of the time, thanks to another failed resolution to be five minutes early to every destination.)
This year, I have decided to make five vows I can keep — little promises not so easily broken:
1. No Kardashian news. I vow to ignore the constant influx of a naked Kim Kardashian, pregnant Kourtney Kardashian and newly single Khloe Kardashian. The Jenner clan are included in this boycott. In their stead, I intend to follow real newsmakers, such as the brave, young Pakistani activist Malala Yousafzai, whose story deserves far more clicks and likes than the Kardashians and Jenners combined.
2. No more impulsive grocery store buys. Seriously. Do we really need another Archie comic in the bathroom? OK, bad example, because yes, we always need a new Archie comic in the bathroom. What I’m talking about are the myriad of random items placed in the shopping cart. Thing like a holiday plate bearing a warning on the bottom of it that it is for decorative purposes only and not to serve food, despite the fact that most people in the developed world use plates to serve food. Or that M&M guy with a fan that only works if you place the fan so close to your face it whacks your nose.
3. No more asking Siri to sing. If you haven’t been bored enough to do this, try it. You will get a mildly irritated Siri to recite a few lyrics to “If I Only Had a Brain.” It’s a time suck for minutes that may be better used playing Candy Crush, speaking of which…
4. Uninstall Candy Crush and all related game apps on the smartphone. After countless requests on Facebook from dear friends, I finally gave in toward the end of 2014 and installed Candy Crush on my phone. I have since discovered I hate this game, particularly because I’ve reached a level that practically requires I purchase a special tool to beat it, and I just can’t spend $4.99 on a “free” game. (Not when I could be buying a new Archie comic instead.)
5. Stop letting my child choose Netflix shows for me at night. My daughter has a new obsession: Anything gross, creepy or slimy on a nature show. We’ve watched honey badgers attack beehives, swarms of locusts fly with purpose and the Smithsonian special, “Titanoboa: Monster Snake.” Thanks to her selections — she falls asleep after 10 minutes — I’ve dreamed of nasty pet badgers, plagues of biblical proportions and, of course, the Titanoboa. No more! From now on, it’s puppies, kittens and rainbows before bedtime. (Hopefully, the monster snake will stay away from my cute, cuddly new friends.)
—Genevieve A. Suzuki lives in La Mesa and is an editor emeritus of this newspaper. She practices family law and can be reached through her website, sdlawyersuzuki.com.